Dark Shadows (2012)

27 Sep

Dark Shadows is a bit of an embarrassment. In the film, Johnny Depp takes on another role where he is cursed with the gift of immortal life.  I have always wondered what it would be like to never die, and about halfway into this film, I knew what that feeling must be.

I was staring at the screen thinking to myself “oh please just kill me now”, but nope – I was forced to live on and see one embarrassing scene after the next.

What was Tim Burton thinking when he did this film? He knows how to put a story together, but lately it is as if Tim Burton has become the new M. Night Shyamalan – a director who favors style and visuals over story content.

With Dark Shadows, all you really get is a collection of stale jokes that are not very funny.

It’s not funny, it’s not dramatic, It’s not thought provoking, it’s not scary, it’s not really anything worth watching; Dark Shadows is just 2 hours of blah. Sure, there are a few entertaining parts, but they become overshadowed by the preposterous story events that don’t make any sense at all.  The film tries to make some sort of story about a family in financial trouble who need a bit of a hand from (cue vampire) “an old family friend.”  But even this  excuse for a story becomes tainted by tasteless jokes and a nostalgia for the 70’s.

The story is so very badly written; there are too many random events that happen with no overall theme to connect them. During the last twenty minutes you find out the young girl was really a werewolf for example, but it has nothing to do with anything. It was as if halfway through through filming someone pitched the idea to put a werewolf into a film about a vampires as a joke and Tim Burton said “eh why not!!?? it’s just a movie to please the kids anyway right?? lets make one of the main characters a werewolf -who cares if it will make sense?! people are going to pay money to see this anyway because of the Deppster right???”

 

Next time I will have allot more empathy when I see that a character has been cursed to live forever – especially if they are working on a future Tim Burton movie.

Rating 3/10

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